Being who I want to be….I know that like the back of my hand…or do I?

That’s the crux of the matter

And the stuff of legend

If I am in the midst of discomfort I must be on the right path

The path that frightens me while all at once allowing me to walk up to that wall, look it straight in the eye, and knock it down with the power of my will alone.

Looking through the magnifying glass back at myself

my view shifts until I feel clarity strike me like an iron fist

smashing into all the “I know that already.”  Leaving me stunned, breathless and wide eyed staring at the winding road beneath me.

If I reach for the stars do I ask for directions?  Who says that my stars are your stars?  Or that they were ever lost in the first place?

Five things I know to be true…

Human connections slide through our fingers like a silk scarf,  beautiful and precious.  We breathe to the sounds of our technology.  Squinting to see a tiny screen, forgetting to make memories.

Children soak up the climate in a room as simply as they imagine endless possibilities.  Pirates, tigers, moms. dads, heroes, zeroes…              mix love, acceptance, laughter and joy in equal parts each day.  Add confidence in teaspoonfuls until love buckets overflow. A recipe for worthiness.

Even if I could find the white horse, I wouldn’t  need you to rescue me.

My tattoos reflect memories locked away for safe keeping.  Leather and ruffles.  Coach and piercings.  I am not defined by your judgements. 

I run headlong, over exuberantly, into a current of dreams, only to be pulled under…re-emerging with renwed hope, vision, joy and purpose. Today is a new day!

The previous piece, I wrote after listening to Sarah Kay’s “If I Should Have A Daughter.”  Every one of us has the power to reinvent our lives at any moment.  I will return to school this fall to finish my BA.  I am full of anticipation and joy for this new opportunity.  Sounds sort of geeky, but I can’t wait for school supply shopping, organizing my schedule, classes, notebooks… 

For me this symbolizes a new beginning and another step in my journey to create a place where parents feel energized, empowered, excited about the idea of “parenting.”  Here’s to being and creating the change…

Live your joy!

XOXO

gina

If you have 15 minutes, check out “If I Should Have A Daughter” on Ted Talks.

http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html

Then,  my attitude shifted!  I’m not sure how or why it started, but I woke up in a funk, emotionally drained, exhausted, and uninspired.  I thought, “what happened to the “new me?”  Where did all that progress go?  I felt frustrated, angry, despondent.  How could I revert to these habits so easily?  Why not, just be positive, happy, upbeat, full of life?  I only need to choose it, right?

Well, that just wasn’t working, no matter how hard I tried.  I put on the happy persona, but failed to FEEL it in my heart.  In short, I struggled in my self imposed misery, not understanding, not sharing, not thriving, not living.  I threw a HUGE TANTRUM at the Universe.  I despised my work, no longer motivated….

THEN

I met with Jess, my life coach, who gave me some perspective.  Did Iget that people’s lives ebbed and flowed?  Did I experience my feelings or judge them?  Lightbulb moment: all the old “baggage” surfaced because of my tremendous growth.  Because, for the first time, maybe ever, I acknowledged my feelings, felt them, forgave myself for judgements made, and created a new personal truth! 

What a powerful experience!  I know it may sound fuzzy or frivolous…but  I realized I cannot get to truth and acceptance without feeling the discomfort, pain, disappointment, or anger.  Most of us would rather skip that part and head straight toward acceptance or enlightenment.  However, without that middle step, my heart and soul disagreed with my “happy face!”

The most amazing part of the story?  Fast forward to the next couple of weeks.  I accepted all my emotional turmoil as part of a healthy change, part of growing into the person I am authentically.  Then, I took control of my work, shifted my attitude, and experienced joy in my classroom and signifcantly less stress! 

I continued reaching for the stars by moving forward and creating my future by making conscious career choices.  I am also looking into finishing my BA degree this fall.  One last thought on the subject of change (or fear) & its power over us.  Most of us choose to remain in many situations because we fear the outcome of making a change.  We exist in a “what if” mentality and it keeps us complacent in our jobs, lives, and relationships. 

I challenge you to “what if” in the other direction.  What if  the best case scenario happens?  What if you land that job?  What if you mend that relationship?  What if your dreams come true?  My mom will be visiting at the end of February, for the first time in several years.  Even at 34,  I can honestly say, I miss her every day!  Because of the advice of a wonderful friend, I asked her to come for a visit, giving us mother daughter time together.  Instead of listening to the little voice inside that said, “she can’t possibly come.”  I just asked.  And a dream came true.

Embrace the changes in your life.  Learn, live, and grow from them.  Continue reaching for the stars!  You deserve it!

Inspired by this book, the media’s portrayal of women, and a recent comment from a good friend, I decided to write a letter to my 16 year old self.  These lessons come from wisdom, age, and confidence.  I hope some of my struggles will ring true for many of you as well.

Dear Teenage Self,

Please please please, love yourself first and most.  Take good care of your heart, spirit, and soul.  Nothing you see in the fashion magazines, MTV, or on the red carpet is real.  Those women are airbrushed, spend hours with hair and makeup artists, and receive minute to minute touch ups.  A serious relationship is NOT a necessity for a high school student.  You are not ready to get married, have a baby, and grow old together.  Cherish these moments for they are fleeting.  Focus on school, good grades, college, seeing the world, experiencing different perspectives, and learn all you can about who you are, and what you want from life.

Again, love yourself first and most.  Reserve judgment of others until you walk a mile in their shoes.  People make mistakes, if you choose to forgive them, you take back control and power.  If you choose to wallow in anger or hurt, you only hurt yourself.  Love your body, even the parts you dislike.  Every woman dislikes pieces of her body, embrace those pieces and celebrate them.  You cannot live on fast food or junk food while expecting to look like a model.  (see above, models are an illusion)   Treat your body with respect.  Embrace exercise. 

In any relationship, remember, ask for what you want with kindness and love.  Does what you have to say come from a place of love or truth?  If not, consider keeping it to yourself.  Choose friends who uplift you, support you, and love you unconditionally.  Cherish and respect those girls.  Never allow a boy (man) to break apart a sisterhood. 

Love your family.  Every family comes with problems or issues.  Love them despite that.  Forgive your parents.  Remember they are people too, and come from unique life circumstances.  Trust that they are doing their very best.  Be respectful.  Share traditions and special times with them, even when you feel like escaping to your room, your friend’s house, or anywhere else.  In a few years, you will miss spending that time together.  Make yourself proud, by doing so, it will make your family proud too.  Give your all in everything, school, work, or relationships.  Be grateful for the life you live, the house, clothes, and all the rest.  Share your gratitude with a simple thank you. 

 Live in the moment, each and every day.  Choose a path that makes you feel passionate.  Optimism will carry you to the stars.  Choose your attitude each day.  IF you choose to be in a relationship, give each other appreciation and space to grow.  Give helpful suggestions, not orders.  No man will ever read your mind.  Your own inner beauty, light, and confidence will attract any man you choose.  Desperation is never attractive.  The idea of a prince charming who will sweep you off your feet is a complete fairy tale.  Make yourself  happy, interesting, confident.  Have more fun!  You must sweep yourself off your own feet.  Be a complete person, on your own.  Then, if you choose, find a partner who complements you. 

Remember, I love you.  Your mom and dad love you.  You will make it through all the tough times to emerge a gorgeous, striking, fierce, and powerful woman.  Even if your dreams evolved, know that you love your life and the special people in it.

Always and Forever,

gina b

At this point, I am waiting, semi-patiently, for an amazing opportunity!  During the last few weeks, the recurring theme, offering itself up for my contemplation: Get out of your own way!  Stop trying to control the Universe! 

Only when I let go of my expectations, and resolved to be gloriously happy with my current position, did opportunity knock on my door.  How profound!   Just let go and bloom where you are planted.  Does this mean abandoning your hopes, dreams, goals, personal pleasure and fulfillment?  Absolutely not!  However, when you find true joy in your current circumstance, you ready yourself to create the life you desire. 

By clinging stubbornly to The Job, The Relationship, The Material Items, or whatever piece of your life you feel the need to control, you close the door to new and varied experiences.  So, love your life, start today!  Open your heart to the endless possibilities. Maybe that job, that relationship, that goal, is the root of the problem.  Let me say that again.  By clinging tenaciously to a goal that no longer serves you, you might miss out on a wonderful outpouring of blessings.  Let your prayer be, “I am open and ready for any opportunity you might bring me.” 

Living in an eternal state of joy goes against the grain for many of us.  The mantra of this country, “No Pain, No Gain, washes over us on a daily basis.  My new mantra, “Work Hard, Play Harder!”  Ensuring my own inner peace and joy means I give more to the children at work or the loved ones in my life.  It also puts me in a grateful mindset.  When I focus my energy on optimism, opportunity and gratitude, I allow myself to receive more of the same.  With an open heart the blessings will pour in. 

Part Two:

Along with trying, and failing, to control the Universe, another theme keeps recurring.  Listen.  Listen.  Listen.  While others speak, really tune in, and listen.  Instead of formulating your response, hear the other person out, learn their perspective, give credence and validation to their life experiences.  Sound complicated?  In a nutshell, honor that co-worker, spouse, or friend with the gift of your full and undivided attention.  After a couple of conversations with a good friend, you know who you are , I understand this fabulous and irreplaceable gift. 

Many of our disagreements or misunderstandings come from differing expectations.  Errors in communication, making assumptions (an entire blog in itself) and failure to really listen create strife in our daily lives.  So, each day, try to listen to people.  By listening for understanding you will strengthen the relationships with your co-workers and loved ones.  It takes practice, but the gift of undivided attention truly outweighs the effort.

I promise to invest my time in joy, gratitude, optimism, and play.  I resolve to be a shining example with an open heart and listening ears.  Join me, and you, too, can manifest the life of your dreams.

xoxo

Are you sitting down?  I want to tell you a little story.  So, relax, get comfy, and let my words truly sink in.  For months, I’ve been hearing about this wonderful woman, Mama Gena, mentioned in various conversations with friends, or recommended reading for the path I am carving for my life. Well, if you know me at all, you know, I am always reading at least two or three books at a time.  So, I put her name in the back of my mind, as a possible future read!

Fast Forward:    A couple of weeks later I visited her website on a whim, and felt an instant connection with the words and philosophy on the page!  After wandering the site a bit, I decided I wanted to absorb as much of her “essence” as possible.  I immediately downloaded her book, “Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts” and began to read.

One of her most powerful guiding principles, “wherever you are is the right place to be,” struck me yesterday morning.  I sat in the Red Lantern waiting for the start of the Early Childhood Conference.  For about an hour…sounds excruciating right?  Nope, I sat, reading this fabulous book, a road map for my life, and all of a sudden, a large group of guys amble into the restaurant.  One catches my eye and offers a smile.  He grabs breakfast from the buffet and returns, asking if he can sit with me. 

PIVOTAL MOMENT: do I refuse and continue to read, or do I have a bit of fun, and meet someone new? 

I agree and he sits down.  A moment later, his friend Tyler, jokingly says, “move over.” He laughs, and says, “just kidding.”  I scoot to the far side of the booth.  Turns out Tyler’s friend comes off as pretty cocky and arrogant which I find truly hilarious.  At any rate, I unleash the Goddess and we laugh, joke, chat, and flirt for almost a half an hour.  Harmless flirting makes a woman feel vibrant, alive, and confident! 

Now, I am not prone to eating with strangers or flirting shamelessly, but I gotta say, I know those guys found my charm, wit, energy, passion and attitude magnetic.  I drew them to me with the power of fully partaking in the pleasure of my circumstance!  What fun!

My day continued along this path, each desire I felt appeared right in front of me.  Being early for an appointment allowed me a fabulous opportunity!  More on that at a later date, when all the results are in! 

This allowed me to make it back to the Conference in time for the second session, which I feared I might miss.  During my third session, I took an opportunity to talk with our motivational speaker.  During the presentation, he mentioned that one thing missing from his career path was a solid mentor to guide him in the creation of his own business.   Because of this, he decided to  create a program called Hand-print Hundred, people hand picked, to receive his guidance as a mentor during their career.  Light bulb moment: I want this!  So, during the  rest of the presentation, the OLD GINA and I battled it out.  The same doubts, until Mama Gena and I shouted, “NO!”

After the presentation, I spoke with him about attending his boot camp for managers, and then mentioned my career goals.  I explained that I loved working with children and families but wanted to strike out and build a coaching practice.  I felt that this would allow me more influence in their lives.  He heartily agreed.  I then told him, that I want to be involved in your Hand-print Hundred!  I understand the  child and family piece.  I am confident in those skills.  However, the running a successful business and entrepreneur piece felt a little daunting.  In short, I will be one of the first ten hand picked for this amazing pilot program!

Am I ecstatic?  Of course!  Even more so, because I KNOW  that I can create this life every day!  Know your desires. What would life be like if we all lived for our pleasure, passion, and fulfillment?    I know that old habits die hard, amd most of us embrace the “no pain, no gain” philosophy.  Mama and I are here to offer you a different perspective. 

If I had stayed in my comfort zone, I might have missed the best day I’ve had in a long time.  Follow your intuition.  Live your dreams.  Take time for fun and pleasure every day.  Ask for what you want.  I know this might sound crazy, but with practice you can discard old habits and patterns, and have the life of your dreams.

“Pleasure is not frivolous.  It guides, instructs, unfolds creativity, educates.  Learning through pleasure, through fun, is a more deeply integrated experience than learning by rote or under pressure.”

~Mama Gena~ From The School of Womanly Arts

Take Care of YOU!

gina

We walk a fine line between the past and the future.   This moment, the Now, the Present, most of us forget how to stay in this place of wonder.  As busy adults, we scurry, we bustle, we hurry, from place to place with our eyes ever looking backward to what was, or forward to what will be.  Barely recognizing ourselves for who we are AT THIS MOMENT.

Working in a Pre-K classroom teaches this lesson each and every day.  I am the queen of multi-tasking.  As soon as I open that classroom door at six a.m.  I hit the ground running.  Photos to take, activities to plan, clean up, spruce up, kiss a scrape, moderate a conflict, wipe a spill, tie a shoe, read a book, help a friend…

As if I choose to stop moving the Earth will suddenly tilt willy nilly and fall off its very axis.  Then, in one moment, I am transported outside myself, to watch with clarity for the first time in a long time.  This whirling dervish, a tornado of a woman, spinning aimlessly throughout the classroom.  Harried, frantic, chaotic…is this what I look like?  In that moment, I see me as the children see me…full of “just a minute,” “hold on a second,” “be right there.”

And I sit down.  Right then and there.  As I sit for a moment, the children gather around.  Several snuggle in close.  In their excitement to see me PRESENT they begin to chatter, telling me all the important stuff I’ve missed.  I am with them, tuned in,  and ready to learn.

They teach me this every day.  A variation on this lesson of living in the moment.  Every experience, new or old, they meet with a sense of wonder and discovery.  Listening, loving, snuggling, facilitating, that is the true nature of my work.  Opening my arms and my heart to all the love and confidence that we share in our classroom community.

Think about that in the constraints of your daily life.  How often are you really PRESENT?  Do you buy in to the hustle and bustle?   Do you wave off your children or loved ones, who ask for a moment of your time?  Remember, we always have a choice.  Will we look backwards with regret or longing?  Will we look forward to tomorrow with hope, apprehension, or anxiety? 

Slow down.  Live in the Now.  This is where your greatest power resides.  Think about the priorities you hold…would they be the same if you had a finite amount of time left?  I know mine would be substantially different.  So, why wait?  Live your passions.   Love without reservations.  Give with a generous spirit.  Do  what you love.  If you intentionally choose your path, your direction, your attitude, you can and will create miracles.

I am grateful for the innocent wisdom of my four year old teachers.  I resolve to choose each day to live in the moment, and be with them in all that we learn.  To stop and smell the pumpkin pie playdough.  To read a story with emotion.  To multi-task less.  To hug more.

Each day is a choice.  Choose to walk in the Now.