InMyOwnSkin.com

Change is part of the process…

It’s been such a whirlwind for the last month.  The crazy part is, I created the chaos all by myself.  The last year or so I’ve grown so much, gained a sense of direction and clarity, given back to the community, stayed committed to a healthy lifestyle.  In, short, been on top of the world.

Then,  my attitude shifted!  I’m not sure how or why it started, but I woke up in a funk, emotionally drained, exhausted, and uninspired.  I thought, “what happened to the “new me?”  Where did all that progress go?  I felt frustrated, angry, despondent.  How could I revert to these habits so easily?  Why not, just be positive, happy, upbeat, full of life?  I only need to choose it, right?

Well, that just wasn’t working, no matter how hard I tried.  I put on the happy persona, but failed to FEEL it in my heart.  In short, I struggled in my self imposed misery, not understanding, not sharing, not thriving, not living.  I threw a HUGE TANTRUM at the Universe.  I despised my work, no longer motivated….

THEN

I met with Jess, my life coach, who gave me some perspective.  Did Iget that people’s lives ebbed and flowed?  Did I experience my feelings or judge them?  Lightbulb moment: all the old “baggage” surfaced because of my tremendous growth.  Because, for the first time, maybe ever, I acknowledged my feelings, felt them, forgave myself for judgements made, and created a new personal truth! 

What a powerful experience!  I know it may sound fuzzy or frivolous…but  I realized I cannot get to truth and acceptance without feeling the discomfort, pain, disappointment, or anger.  Most of us would rather skip that part and head straight toward acceptance or enlightenment.  However, without that middle step, my heart and soul disagreed with my “happy face!”

The most amazing part of the story?  Fast forward to the next couple of weeks.  I accepted all my emotional turmoil as part of a healthy change, part of growing into the person I am authentically.  Then, I took control of my work, shifted my attitude, and experienced joy in my classroom and signifcantly less stress! 

I continued reaching for the stars by moving forward and creating my future by making conscious career choices.  I am also looking into finishing my BA degree this fall.  One last thought on the subject of change (or fear) & its power over us.  Most of us choose to remain in many situations because we fear the outcome of making a change.  We exist in a “what if” mentality and it keeps us complacent in our jobs, lives, and relationships. 

I challenge you to “what if” in the other direction.  What if  the best case scenario happens?  What if you land that job?  What if you mend that relationship?  What if your dreams come true?  My mom will be visiting at the end of February, for the first time in several years.  Even at 34,  I can honestly say, I miss her every day!  Because of the advice of a wonderful friend, I asked her to come for a visit, giving us mother daughter time together.  Instead of listening to the little voice inside that said, “she can’t possibly come.”  I just asked.  And a dream came true.

Embrace the changes in your life.  Learn, live, and grow from them.  Continue reaching for the stars!  You deserve it!